lately i've been emo
'cause of a girl.
it's been sad.
but then i got better
and i've been happy
but now, i'm all emo again.
'cause the song 'i'm yours' reminds me of her.
but so does 'hot n cold'.
and i haven't had much sleep today
and when i haven't had much sleep, i'm emotional
and grumpy
and when i' grumpy i get sad.
i wasn't too sad today
but then i saw lots of people tonight
some fun people
and people are messaging me to come out and have more fun
and i went out last night and had amazing fun
meeting lotsa awesome people.
and tonight i'm not doing anything
and i feel like crying.
i feel sad when i don't do anything.
and that combined with lack of sleep makes me sad.
i think there's a correlation between lack of sleep and feeling more emotional
'cause i get strung out and sad when i don't get lots of sleep
and shakey
very shakey

on another note, i've been meeting lots of new people
being friendly
and outgoing again.
it's awesome.
i love meeting new people.
especially hot boys.

Because I can...
No, for various reasons. Whatever.
Saw this guy at the club I frequent. Had venoms. Couldn't stop staring at him. That's my story.
Other than that, not much has been happening. Just uni and work.
MORE BOY STORIES SOON!

Saw Uni boy from first post at PNAU.
He's still hot.
I wanted to touch him.
That is all.
Carry on people.

I think a boy at my work is really cute.
Haha. Waaaay childish!
Also at work, there was this guy who kept staring at me as I was serving him. It kinda made my night! HAHAHA.
It's weird how something like that can make a night all better, 'cause work was quite shit. Very busy, very short staffed etcetc. And yer, he was a hottie and he was staring at me and it made my night.
And then after work we were hanging around having a few drinks and the boy from my work that i find quite attractive came around and i just kept touching him. whoops. too bad he's heading out of the country for a while. Darn. But still, fun. HAHA.

I've always been a relationship type of guy. everything about a relationship appeals to me.  I have the chance to be in a relationship at the moment, but i'm holding back. Why? Because I want the chance to stay single and play the field, and look and try different options.
Does this mean that the one I've found isn't the one I'm looking for, because I'm thinking if I've found 'the one' It would hit me like a brick and I wouldn't have any second guesses.
Or am I just being a typical guy, and this is the one and I'm not doing the right thing?
Or am I over complicating things?

On another note, I think I hate my new job.

Wow. One of the most laziest days I have ever had in a long time. I slept waay past my bed time last night / this morning talking to some guy, harassing me on MSN ;) Haha. He's pretty cool, so I think I'll forgive him, althought I hate him.

Woke up very late, did pretty much nothing all day. TV, food, smoking and backyard lounging. Isn't this what the uni life is meant to be about? Stupid me doing the wrong thing and going the library too much. Haha. It is study break but, so I should be studying, but I'm doing the lazing about, catching up with mates thing. Whoops.

I want to go to the show on Thursday. That's going to be fun.

What else is going on...? I'm trying to spice up my LJ, so here's a secret:
I have a thing for MTV. and Danny Clayton.

Fall Out Boy was amazing. Going out afterwards as... alright, not as exciting as I wanted it to be. Meh.

Okay, I'm a boring person, so this is a boring LJ. Comment so I know I'm being loved.

x

How fun is gaydar? I wish i'd just put a picture of me on it but. Then people would actually reply to messages! Haha. It's understandable but. I wouldn't reply to someone that didn't have a picture. Humm. Mind you, I'm rather superficial. I tend to ignore ugly people like the plague. All my friends are hot. Now saying I'm crazy hot, but I don't have facial deformities.

So I thought that now would be the perfect time.
Not much has happened in my life, mainly just the university thing and the work thing. Both of which are fun. Kinda.
No boy yet. Nothing happening in that department. Someone come and sweep me off my feet, please?
On that note, I have a thing for tall boys wearing boardies.

x

ps. Oh, and I'm seeing Fall Out Boy tomorrow. Can't wait. It's going to be great! Come say hi to me. HAH. I'm going to rape Pete Wentz.

Yeah... lets do some journal posting! Went out on Saturday night. I need to get my act together. There was a boy that was clearly trying to get it on, but my friends were there... so did I do anything? Nope. I just let him dance in front of me... and when my friends looked at me, I'd go "wtf?!" and slide away... all the while, my hand was kinda on his torso. Stupid straight clubs. I never know if the boys are actually into me, or if they're just drunk. I'm not a hottie, so it's hard. If i was a hottie, then of COURSE the boys and girls would love me! Haha.
In case you haven't realised, this blog is basically going to be a big venting station for me to vent about the shit I wouldn't normaly be able to vent about in real life, on account of i'm not out. :D SO it's going to be about boys... or rather lack of, and the me bitching about something I didn't do! wooooo.
So that's pretty much it. It's weird. I'm not up for a one night stand, but when I'm out and a bit drunk, I'm up for anything. What I do want is anonymous sex/oral/whatever with a straight boy though!... other than that, I want a relationship. HAHA. I'm too indecisive.  

Ok, so, first met that boy on Monday - 20th August, saw him randomly on Tuesday and spoke to him. Saw him Wednesday VERY briefly, didn't speak to him. Didn't see him at all Thursday... So... Why am I still hung up on him? Why am I thinking of him? Sigh sigh. Clearly he's an idiot for talking to us... this is all his faullt. I hope I see him in the tav one day. And when I do, I'm going to bash him make out with him.

What a hottie.

If you could be another person for a day, who would it be and why?
Easy answer - anyone. I just wanna see how it feels to be someone other than me. How they think during the day, how they act towards different things, how it feels to be in a different body type, how different i am treated just because i look like a different person.
Other answer - that boy. So i can see if he wants me. 'cause I want him. Haha! Yes. I win.

Okay, so, first post, and it's going to sound like I'm a fucking boy-crazy 21 year old... but, well, they're kinda hot. So I'm just chilling at my uni, and a drunk boy decides to come up to me and my group of friends to bum a cigarette off us. My mate that's with us agrees to part with a cigarette, and gives it to this boy. He's talking to us, and making a lot of eye contact with me, but I'm not out to my friends, so I'm trying to avoid eye contact, all the while thinking 'this drunk boy is a hottie'. He makes small talk. I get bored... I get bored when people talk about random shit, especially when I'm not being talked to directly, rather being addressed as a member of a group that's being talked at. Anyway, he's still making a lot of eye contact, and introduces himself. He shakes our hands, and there's a distinct lingering of 'hand shaking' i guess. I watch to see him shake the hands of my female companions, and it's brief. Finally, we make hints that we're going to leave and continue on our way, and he parts with us, not without giving us a last glance, and by 'us', i mean me. So that's the background.

Now the venting starts. Two things. 1.) Why aren't I out of the closet; 2.) Why am I hung up on this boy that I met for 20 minutes 2 days ago?.
So lets start with 1. It's going to be brief. I'm scared. What am I scared of? Mainly, I'm scared they'll go 'I knew it all along'. Inevitably, they will. What gay/bi guy doesn't act a teeny bit gay? It's why gaydars work! (Mind you, this mass influx of straight Metro's makes it hard to discern between the fags and the straights). So yes. There's of course, the parents. And.. I don't know... just plain scared... ? That's an ongoing issue but, so lets leave it for a later stage when there's a reason to write about it. :p

So, why am I hung up on this boy? I met him two days ago. How long did I meet him for? Did we have an indepth conversation? Do I know anything about him? 20 minutes, no and no. So why am I still thinking about him? I can't stop thinking about him. Why? Because I got a 'lingering' glance when he left. He walked away, said something along the lines of 'nice meeting you guys' and just looked at me, not the two girls. Oh, and a 'lingering' handshake! HAHA. Lame? yup. But unfortunately, he's still on my mind. I'm thinking of him now. I'm thinking of ways the encounter could have ended. I did see him at uni the next day, we made small talk. Then I left, and I kept thinking of different ways this could go?! There's something wrong with me.

I am much more outgoing that I have been in the past. Usually, I would have seen him the next day and ignored him like the plague, and then fussed over why we're not friends! But I made an effort to go to him. Nope, nothing happened. I can't stop thinking. I can't pay attention at uni. I think I need help?

That's it. I'm never shaking another boy's hand again. :)